kelee's Blog

My friends constantly remind me of what I don't have by talking about what they have. Like out of my 20 friends, I am the only single one which means I have to be vented to about how they kissed or did this or that. There is only SO much they can tell me before I puke. I mean, it's GREAT that they have a boyfriend/girlfriend and stuff and I am happy for them but there is only so much they can say before I start feeling like a loser or the friendship is less about us and more about her/him telling me about their relationship with their boyfriend/girlfriend. I just wish that I had one but in middle school, relationships MEAN NOTHING! About .5 percent ever become something in high school. I just wish I had someone I could love and they feel the same way and the part that makes me mad is that my friends' relationship are based on nothing. Just lust and for the title...they are just lying to themselves saying that it is a special relationship and its NOT about lust. I wish I had something real. Something nothing like them. Something that would make them realize that they don't have a relationship and make them jealous. One where everyone wouldn't talk to me about it and I wouldn't talk to them about it.

I am happy for once! I am happy and I think I that I should lay off liking 20 year olds, though!haha. I just like Matt and I am ok with it never going to happen but I still have feelings for him...idk but I LUV HIM! haha. I have ditched all my friends except two because the rest of them cause drama and aren't even real friends to begin with! I am happy and in love! BEST FEELING EVER! But with Matt he is the first guy I feel serious about. And now I am in love with him!

The question dwells in my mind, every time I start thinking and when people ask me. The only thing I can say is my name and age. I can't say that I love this and that because I haven't found a passion where I go to it, to help me. Most of what I want to describe, cannot be described because you just can't. If I did no one could understand. I was trying to figure it out and For right now all I know is that I am a hopeless romantic and that sucks because every guy my age is anything BUT a Prince Charming. I always fall for the older guys. I love listening to music. I love drawing. I love making music. I love being by myself because my friends treat me like crap. I love hanging out with people who are in the twenty's. I love singing in the shower. I try to be sneaky and I end up hurting myself. That's all I know. NOW tell me what you know about yourself. LEAVE COMMENTS!!

I am apart of a group at school kinda like a drama club that does themed cabarets. Well, I did my solo today and did awesome. I felt awesome, great and that nothing could go wrong. Well, as soon as I got home, I felt like everything I felt for the day was ruined. I was feeling like a piece of crap. I either am tired or it's hormones but I know this, I just want to make new friends. The ones I have treat me like crap. Today they rubbed in my face that they were going to be hanging out, so you know, I was obviously jealous, I know it. Well my friend is always complaining how I don't hang with her and now she is doing it to me. :( She doesn't even realize anything. She just makes me want to be depressed. I just didn't even care to wait for her anymore to go to German class and to leave gym....she obviously is too concerned in causing me pain to realize it's hurting me.

Well, Pretty pissed off and feel left out. Everyone feels that way every now and then. I just am having a terrible week filled with rage and I am not usually this way. I am usually happy but right now I want to die. I am so sick of this stuff that makes me feel left out and I don't want to have these stupid friendships that make me want to die because my friends exclude me from being a person. I want to just walk out of the door of my own house because my friends are having a sleepover without me....in my own house. Basically using me so they can dispense on my time for them to hang out. wow.....I have the worst friends ever. This is great...they don't even care....just like everyone else around me. :(

Ok. This day couldn't get any worse. I nearly want to die and I am living the worst experiences ever. My good friend, became boyfriend/girlfriend with the guy I liked A LOT last year. Now, I am not only pissed off because, I am having the worst sleepover ever and being left out but I nearly punched someone in the face. The next thing is I am sad and it won't stop. I hope it gets better but right now, I am done.

Well in Middle School, there will always be drama. No doubt. But the drama between your friends and your relationships, gets hectic. Recently, my best friend since fourth grade, has become jealous of a close relationship with my newer friend, who isn't selfish. Well this best friend since fourth grade, has been but when I talk to different people, she gets jealous and I feel bad, so I go walk with her. Then she goes off and talks to someone else, when i made this deal. I am so sick of her playing games! I just want her to stop because now she has taken it too far. Today she decided to just change her seat to sit next to a girl who hates me. Obviously, now i was furious. She did it to get to me. Then she makes up excuses of why she won't sit there. She said, "I am too attached to Alaina(my new friend)," and that, "There is too much drama at our lunch table." So that makes it right to go sit next to a girl who hates me??? I could careless. I am done with her and her so called,"problems". She constantly lets me cry and doesn't even care. All she is a selfish brat who only cares about herself. I told her that,"I am not going to ditch Alaina because, she isn't selfish and she is my friend, and you shouldn't ditch her either." I care about my friends, and how they feel. But since she said that, she is gone in my life!